Thanksgiving

Ahhhh, the wonder of Thanksgiving. That day when we all get to sit around and stuff ourselves full of home cooked goodness. And what a beautiful history. Us poor starving settlers being helped by the generous natives. Thank God for this wonderful occasion, and thank him also for the brewers of high-octane alcohol that make it all possible.

The whole thing makes you wonder… What would have happened if those proud and noble indigenous people had know that that day was the first day of the beginning of the Trail of Tears? I imagine they probably would have let us try to eat our own pretty glass beads we so successfully used for bartering later. They say that history is written by the winners. And while this is true of the creation of our country, it is also true about our conglomeration of family values for the holiday season.

Every nation has an atrocity or two in its past. Germany had a couple of incidents, Russia blames long winters, China had that thing with those guys in red, Britain had adventures on every continent, and we have that funny story about the blankets. But even those were all admitted by people, they were just, well, minimized. At family gatherings, however, we just try to put that same shit under the rug… Then we drink until Uncle Joe burns said rug down and the skeletons in the closet turn out to be somehow related to the zombie plague. Of course, not all families are like this, some simply don’t meet for the holidays! And the Lord said “The wise shall be those who stay distant from bickering!

But all in all, the Devil turned out to be more fun to hang out with… Hence our love of family gatherings.