Nice Guys?
Stolen from the “Best of Craigslist”
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
Yeah, way to kill off the nice guys you heartless evil whores!
I mean… erm… Hmmm.. That came off a little touchy didn’t it? Anyway, nice guys are out there. They are around many corners. It’s just that now you have to delve through our hardened layers of cynicism to find the true us. Either that or we are finding better girls from Russia.
The truth is often the hardest thing to believe.
Chris Schaffer Reply:
December 18th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Indeed it is! Maybe we can start a class for it, I think the group discussions would be interesting to sit in on.
Chris: There are a few sites out there on the net which correctly describe the inner “hard-wirings” of women. Women basically want two unique things in their lives : (1) a nice guy (friend) and (2) a great sexy encounter. So, they want it both ways. They want the “friend” to be there for them for all things, and at the same time, they want to have the best sex of their lives with an incredibly attractive guy who is probably some crazy biker, drug addict, actor, or vagabond. For me, women who have no self-control are out of the question, and even if they want me for their “friend”, too bad, they are out. Only women with true respect for feelings qualify to be part of my life. Don’t worry, you will make it. It took me several months to recover from my divorce, but we all learn valuable lessons through pain and suffering. Good luck to you, Keith
Chris Schaffer Reply:
December 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Keith, thanks for sharing your story! You certainly have a number of valid points. And it sounds like the site you are referring to is the Ladder Theory.
http://www.laddertheory.com/
It is certainly one of the great truth/parody sites out there for both a good laugh and at least a bit of truth on relationships.
When woman say: “Where are all the nice guys?” they don’t mean where are all those ball-less pathetic doormats too timid to say what they feel and ACT UPON IT that they knew in high school…
They mean “Where are all the NICE guys?”, as in MEN who aren’t witless boys and who aren’t embarrassed that they’re men who like woman for being WOMEN who like MEN.
Perhaps you ought to build that time machine, go back and try acting like a man, instead of trying to nice-guy you’re way into bed.
Just a thought from one of those assholes who screwed the girls you were too afraid to make a move on before you grew up.
Chris Schaffer Reply:
December 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 am
That is indeed your opinion.
You also do realize that this was taken from the best of Craigslist as a humor post right?
oh Chriiiis, you’re nice guy is showing!
I know, sometimes it really is hard to hide. But it could be worse right?