My Logic Worries People – Part 2 – Evil Nature
More and more I learn that the way I think might diverge from the way other people think. Mostly I learned that when you joke about what movies and video games have taught you about life, most people do not make the same one-to-one connection that, say, me and my friends do. So, instead of making any attempt to change my thinking, I will be writing several articles to detail the more extreme logical disconnects. If nothing else, these should give you plenty of ammunition to use in an effort to make your own co-workers uncomfortable.
2. Nature Hikes Require Guns
Nature is not there to nurture you. This is an undeniable fact. It is filled with poisonous critters, big cats with many pointy ends, twenty foot snakes, and flesh eating offshoots of human evolution. And no, the last category of dangers from nature are not zombies. Whatever is out there, though, it is probably trying to kill you!
Here is just a small list of evidence: Anaconda, The Descent, Cujo, Spider vs. World, The Cave, Lake Placid. And the list could easily go on for quite some time. However, there is often one commonality in these movies. The hunted characters often lack superior firepower. But let us focus on just The Descent to understand my logic.
So, you and your friends decide that caving will be a fun activity. You get harnesses, boots, granola bars, you know all that fun nature crap. You even make sure to have plenty of rope, flashlights, and climbing axes, which are all very useful tools that most other nature explores in movies tend to lack. However, none of these happy tools that might double as a weapon will get you beyond close combat range. In the rather safe scenario of being attacked by a puma, you will still be mostly unprepared. But you’re not up against pumas… You’re up against problem solving, cave living, human-esque, flesh eating monsters that work in teams.
The simple solution is to adjust what you carry with you. Going for a quick hike? You should probably have at least a shotgun, sidearm, and maybe a grenade or two. Going for a long hike? Upgrade that shotgun to something more like the M249 S.A.W. and you should be better prepared. In the case of caves (or any enclosed area) or any area that is already dangerous just by nature of the terrain an automatic weapon, grenades, a sidearm, and a compact flame thrower are pretty much 100% necessary.
Sure this sort of preparation will add 60 lbs. to your already heavy nature load out. But really think of it this way. Would you prefer to be uncomfortable during your walk, or eaten alive by your cave dwelling inbred cousins? I know I choose option one every time.
So what about you, what is your standard equipment list to ensure nature is no threat to you while you try to enjoy outdoor activities with friends?
What a hoot! I know exactly how you feel..once I was on a hike in the mountains and saw some cougar tracks in the snow. It had me wishing I had some form of weapon just in case. Martial arts (which I don’t know anyway) can only go so far with a wild animal!
Kent – I know exactly how you felt! I have lived a number of places where cougars could have been around (never saw one though) and always wished I was a little more prepared.