Kevin had understood why they were incredulous. After all, what kind of guy walks into a police station and tries to explain that they accidentally killed their best friends family because he was sure they had become infected with the zombie plague? Kevin still wasn’t sure what the cops thought about this explanation, but they had finally decided that he hadn’t killed his own family in such a terrible way. And with large quantities of psychoactive drugs and therapy he was starting to realize that things might one day return to a normal level.

Kevin wasn’t really convinced that things were going to get better, but somehow a combination of five anti-depressants can do wonders. What really made Kevin smile was thinking about Brian being killed by kids with machetes in Brazil. In reality, Kevin should never have looked a gift horse in the mouth.

About five seconds after the joyful children in Kevin’s mind had finished hacking apart the last pieces of Brian’s body, Kevin’s cellphone started ringing.

Probably Paul again… Checking on how I’m feeling… Asking if I’m drinking…

But to Kevin’s surprise it was some strange 090 number he had never seen before. So being that he was alone in the world and had nothing better to do than drink enough to attempt to have a coherent conversation with a bottle of Jim Beam, he answered the call.

“Holy Shit Kevin! I’m glad you answered, its Brian. I’m in Japan.” The reception wasn’t great and there seemed to be some signal echo, but the voice was clear, it was a mildly scared sounding Brian.

“Are you sure it’s you Brian… I thought I remembered the Brazilian dream children just finishing killing you in my head.” Kevin’s words were a bit slurred, but the thought of Brian being alive and well was oddly sobering.

“I should write that down… Might be important, hasn’t worked before, but you never when something might be a vision eh? You said Brazil right? Anyway… I just wanted to see how you were bud, it’s been too long.”

“Oh, me? I’ve mostly been drinking and going to therapy sessions. But Paul usually calls and check on me about those things. Oh, the police also finally believed your story. I think they also kind of hope you’ll die quietly somewhere and save them having to attempt taking your to court.” Kevin was mostly sober now, but he was still hoping he might just be to drunk to know if he was really dreaming.

“Yeah, Paul’s a good guy. Too bad about his sister and all that. Maybe you two should find a support group together… But to get to the point. I need your help man.”

“Please tell me you have embraced the idea of committing ritual seppuku and want me to aid as your second?” Reading Shogun seven or eight times in the last three months was suddenly a boon rather than a dangerous obsession for Kevin.

“Ummmm not exactly. The evil out here is overwhelming! I could really use someone like you to back me up, and also help me organize all the records I have for keeping track of what is evil and what isn’t.” Brian’s voice was not pleading at all, except maybe about organizing the files, he had always been a shit record keeper.

“I think we need to remember, Brian, that I’m not an alcoholic now for no reason. I don’t drink because my family was zombies… I drink because you thought they were zombies. I can’t help you… I won’t help you! I, I, just, can’t… I … no.” By this point Kevin was mostly screaming incoherently.

It was then Brian realized that a hunter truly is alone. And the hunt had to continue. He was sorry Kevin would never see the light of the truth as he had. Brian just hoped they hadn’t gotten into Kevin’s mind like so many of the others.

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We join our intrepid hero, Brian, one month after he killed Kevin’s family who were, incidentally, not zombies… yet…

I decided that it was time to talk to Kevin again, to really apologize for what had happened. I mean, his family really had fit the zombie mold. But, Kevin was my friend, and I owed him at least this much. So I invited with to meet me at the docks of the local Lake Marina, it was a nice public place where I was pretty sure Kevin would not come after me with an axe.

“Hey Kevin, glad you decided to come and talk with me.” I looked over Kevin as I said this. He still had that vaguely distant look about him.

“Yeah Brian… Not so glad I could make it.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about the whole family/zombie thing. That was really, uh, my bad.”

“I hate you Brian… And you really really need to think through your apologies better. You know, have something a little more comforting than ‘my bad’ ready.” Kevin had an angry look, but Brian was glad to see his friend still had witty comebacks.

“You’re right. But I did go to the cops, I told them what happened.”

“Wait, you told the cops you killed my family and you didn’t get thrown in jail!?” Kevin stood us while yelling this. “What kind of fucked up town am I living in!”

“You might want to take it down a notch man… When I told them the whole story of your family being all looking like zombies and such… Well… I think they thought I was trying to cover for you.” Brian was fairly embarrassed to have to talk about that part of his confession.

“Trying to.. cover for me? Worse yet, you told the cops you killed my family because you’re some kind of flunked out zombie hunter??”

“Yeah. I figured the truth was going to be the best policy. I actually think you’re their primary suspect now. It really suprised me. I mean, I really did try to explain.”

“Great. I’m going to go to prison because my best friend turned out to be insane and killed my family because he thought he was a zombie hunter. That would be a great story to tell the grandkids I would have had if you hadn’t killed my family.” Kevin was sobbed through most of this.

“You might want to leave town for awhile. I’m sure they’ll straighten things out. Anyway, I was going to be leaving to. I had time to think about being everyones favorite prison bitch. Decided it might be best to leave before they decide I was telling the truth.”

***

Stay tuned, as Brian learn to watch for evil on the Greyhound bus network.

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“What’s up Brian? Why are you just sitting outside my house?”

“Kevin, I have to tell you something…”

“Sure man, come on in and we’ll grab a beer.” Kevin started walking toward his door.

“Yeah Kevin, about that. You might not want to go inside.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to go in my house?” He was starting to sound more serious. I had to tell him why I was here.

“Well, I have something hard to tell you… I had to save the town from the zombie plague that had infected your family.. I’m sorry Kevin.” I put my arm around his shoulders.

“What the hell are you talking about! My family had the flu, you know the one that’s been on the news.”

“That’s what they wanted you to think Kevin, I know this is hard but…” Then it came back to me. I did remember all that crap about the flu on the news. In fact, I was pretty sure that’s what I had had the other week. It had been a real bugger to shake off too.

Fuck!

I knew this probably wasn’t going to go over well. But I had to say something. “That’s alright Kev, I’ve got great news for you.”

“What, that you’re full of it, my family is fine, and your still going to take a beer from me?”

“Not exactly…” I walked a little closer to the door of Kevin’s house and turned to him. “I have definitely saved your family from becoming infected with the zombie plague!”

“What?”

“Yeah, the whole flu thing explains a lot. But they were really out of it you know? I was sure they were zombies. Although it does explain why your wife was so upset when I went after the kids. Can’t have little things sneaking up and taking a chunk out of your hamstring while you deal with the bigger more obvious zombies.”

“Oh my god!! Why!!”

Apparently I’d gotten a little over involved in my own “after action” speech and Kevin had gone into his house. I decided this would probably be one of those good times to wander back to ye old safe house and further detail what may have gone wrong. Every good hunter has a few mistakes in his often short but brilliantly graphic career. But we have to learn from every opportunity. Kind of like Paul’s sister being an Irish girl with no ability to tan and not an evil vampire.

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