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In this diverse world, we need to remember one thing.  White people have problems too.  These are serious problems!  Problems like: Where is my gate pass for the country club?  Why do other people speak non-English languages? and, How can I further “Where’s Waldo” my income for tax season?

Because remember, white people are people too.  Just like other people we have problems.  White People Problems.

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I have a friend who is very excited about “The Watchmen” movie that is coming out soon.

The above is a redo of some frames from the graphic novel the movie is based on.  So here’s to my friend, The Watchmen, and free fire.

This actually reminds me of an old saying that may be common where you are from:

“If life hand you lemons… keep them, because, ‘hey!’ free lemons.”

The same goes for fire, if life hands it to you, keep it, because who couldn’t use some free fire?  It could come in handy for those zombies that are about to eat your best friend, or for cleansing your bathroom of the unholy spirits you have released from your body.

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I like the fact that you could indeed hope that she wants to hear about the last time your rolled a natural 20 to get a huge crit on that troll that whacked your party’s rouge… However, there is probably a harsh reality.

Notice those guys in the background?  They’re wearing name tags, and that is a projection screen above them.  This means your ass is at a convention, and the hot girl with the great eyes and smile is being paid to not kick you when you talk about your character… being paid more than your entire comic collection is worth.

Why?

Because after you get done with round eight of masturbating back at the hotel, you will buy their product.  Not only will you buy it, but even if the product sucks, you will remember the hot chick that hawked it.

For spirited debate: Would it be better if she filled out the top or bent over more?

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I’ve always wondered, how busy is Valentine’s Day for the prostitution business?

Sure it may be a day that’s all about couples, but that also implies quite a bit of the, well, coupling.  Along with that, the sheer amount of media dedicated to how bitter some major segment of the population is about this particular holiday means that not everyone has that special someone waiting for flowers at home.

So, for all those people it seems like a logical step to take those flowers and $50 for dinner and skip straight to the activity you were buying that dinner for.  The lovely lady you pick from the corner probably doesn’t even really need flowers – though she may appreciate the touch. 

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The Dreams Project is a quite noble film project to document the training of young athletes for the 2012 Olympics.  I just wanted to say that, because I think the idea is great, and it had to be said before I make fun of this particular poster they made for it.

I hate to be a dirty evil man.  But really, if your logo is “DP” and anything that involves the word dream; having a cute blonde in a kneeling position is really not going to give people the right mindset.

Sure she has the jersey and the sports shoes, but so does every porn film ever set in a gym.

So, I say to all you aspiring graphic designers out there… Remember, there are people like me out there, and we will turn anything that has even the most meager possibility of dirt into the kind of filth that will make a sailor smile.

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This really wouldn’t suprise me.

I should also be back to regular posting soon!

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Well, in order to break back into posting, I give you this video.

The election is over, the economy is possibly dying, but humor shall march on!

besides, it really is hard not to love the Onion.

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Some things defy reason.  This is one of those things.

Maybe 3M privacy screens aren’t hardcore enough for you.  Maybe you have a MacBook Air to hide from me.  Or you have decided to use the excess heat from your laptop as a new way to heat your head. 

No matter what your reason is I can assure you that a weird knot sock/hat thing is not the answer.

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Do you sometimes get the feeling that other people just don’t get it?

You know, that maybe the other people around you have been huffing paint for the past 10 years?

I get that feeling a lot. Consequently, I almost titled this post “Why my Wednesdays are Never Called Wordless.”

I know it’s the big thing around the blogosphere, post an image on Wednesday, and call it Wordless Wednesday. And a few people actually do this. However, I see many more people use wordless in a post title and then run their proverbial mouth for several paragraphs… Awfully wordy their, aren’t ya kid?

I always like to write, ramble, and pontificate in run-on sentences. I also have the common sense to never call that kind of blather wordless.

If any of this pisses you off, do what I do. Just call the damn post: “Wednesday Image – insert description or witty remark” and call it a day. This will get you back on the Common Sense ™ path to enlightenment.

Also, if the majority of your Wednesdays are wordless, but you occasionally break the mold, I have nor problem with that.  My great bat of internet satire is only directed at people who consistently post long discussions under the wordless heading.

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I’ve always been a big fan of mixed martial arts. So when I spotted this image, it was priceless. I honestly now want to see a group of Ninja in shop class making the deadliest bookends known to man… And then painting them with decorative designs.

So tell me, what’s your favorite ninja craft?

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